Archive for the ‘Rant’ Category


shockingly accurate

April 24, 2009

Of course, I always find that Morrissey is.

On the high-rise estate
What’s at the back of your mind?
Oh, on a three-day debate
On a high-rise estate
What’s at the back of your mind?

Two icy-cold hands conducting the way
It’s the Eskimo blood in my veins
Amid concrete and clay
And general decay
Nature must still find a way
So ignore all the codes of the day
Let your juvenile influences sway
This way and that way
This way, that way
God, how sex implores you
To let yourself lose yourself

Stretch out and wait
Stretch out and wait
Let your puny body, lie down, lie down
As we lie, you say
As we lie, you say
Stretch out and …
Stretch out and wait
Stretch out and wait
Let your puny body lie down, lie down

As we lie, you say :
Will the world end in the night time?
(I really don’t know)
Or will the world end in the day time?
(I really don’t know)
And is there any point ever having children?
Oh, I don’t know
What I do know is we’re Here and it’s Now

So … stretch out and wait
Stretch out and wait
There is no debate, no debate, no debate
How can you consciously contemplate
When there’s no debate, no debate ?
Stretch out and wait
Stretch out and wait
Stretch out and wait
Oh …


interesting timing

May 8, 2008

Dear President Bush,

I’m so happy for your daughter Jenna. It appears that she’ll be getting married this weekend at your ranch in Texas. I’m glad she’ll be able to get all the protections that marriage will afford her. I’m glad that by signing one piece of paper, she’ll never have to worry that she won’t be able to visit her husband in a hospital room. Or worry that she might not get to make medical decisions on his behalf. She won’t have to fight to be covered under his health insurance (or vice versa.)

She will be able to decide where and how he’s buried if she outlives him. She’ll be able to collect his pensions and annuities and social security. She will inherit his stuff if by chance something bad happens and they don’t have a will. She won’t ever have to fight to prove that her marriage to him is real. They will have rights to joint parenting and joint adoption automatically.

And I know you like money so lets just briefly touch upon the financial aspects – she’ll be able to avoid taxes due to exemptions made when one partner of a married couple dies. She’ll be able to jointly file income tax returns and perhaps be able to save tons of money on items that she and her husband own together.

Also important for families like yours should they find themselves in the legal hot seat, just by marrying him she’ll be afforded judicial protections and evidentiary immunity.

I guess I’m wondering why you think that your daughter deserves all of this…and my mom’s daughters don’t. I fail to see the logic in any of the arguments limiting the rights of marriage to one man and one woman. I just don’t get it. I really wish that you could explain it to me in a way that makes sense, rather than using religion (something which our founding fathers would have hated) to keep me from having the same rights and protections that your daughter has, or will have as of Saturday.

Really though, I hope that Saturday is a beautiful day for you and your family. I know you won’t give a second thought to the millions of Americans who are denied these basic protections of marriage (and really, what is such a big deal about marriage? Why does the government think that people can’t decide who their hard earned social security dollars should go to even if they DON’T ever choose to marry – but this is for another time) and will just enjoy the day, blind to the discrimination that you and your administration, and your constituency dose out to the GLBT public on a daily basis.

Though, I am happy that she is getting married in Texas, because it will likely be raining here in Maine. And besides, I’ve way too much to do this weekend and it would be inconvenient for me and in poor taste to protest your daughters happy day.

Thanks for reading,

The littlest pea


hate is a really strong word

April 11, 2008

But man, do I get really really really close to it when it comes to this guy and these people.

Part of me thinks that they are only doing this because they can’t fathom having a black man woman democrat in the white house this election so they need a reason for their constituency to come out and put their names down for SOMETHING, anything that can be seen as a divisive issue that will draw their three celled followers to the polls to vote for John McCain – who of course, I’m sure is WAYYYY too liberal even for the CCL to handle, but better than gasp, a fucking democrat.

In the 5 years that I’ve lived here in Maine I have never, ever heard of this group of people doing something good for the greater population of the state. I’ve only seen them be evil, and cruel, and rude, not only to “the gays” but making direct assaults on people whose work I admire and respect, and in some cases love with all of my being.

Continuing on with the theme of hate, this is the most vile, hateful, homophobic, transphobic, anger inducing clip I have ever seen. Fuck you Fox, I dare you to say things like that about any other oppressed group. But no. The homos are what’s left for you. Fucking asshats.  Please, please click here to read one of the most respectful and loving and wonderful posts I’ve read on the entire subject.  I mean, I’d like you to click on a couple of the links (yes, a few. You know you have time) that I’ve put up here today, but if you can only do one…the last one, please.

< / soapbox >



December 22, 2007

Yesterday was my last day ever at the job I’ve come to hate to get out of bed in the morning to go to. It was kind of a….stressful week, truth be told, and I’m really glad that I’m on “vacation” right now.

As is with the “rules,” I’ve never told “you” where I work, or really what I do. I’ve insinuated that I worked in the seafood industry, which is true, but um, this is Maine and there’s a lot of that here. I’ve never even really told you what I’ve been dealing with at work for the past 4 years, and while things had been manageable in my position for the first two and a half years, the last year and a half has kind of been out of control. And as I don’t work there anymore, I’m going to let you in on it. Of course, no names or faces, but…..I don’t feel so paranoid now that I never have to go back there again.
As much as I like the company I was working for, and pretty much EVERYONE working for the company from the owner down, I could not stand the person who I was sharing an office with. I listened to this man complain, 8 hours a day, for the past 4 years. I watched his crazy theories about filing (If I file it, I will forget I have it, and I’ll forget to deal with it) cause his desk to become a mountain of paper through which he, no joke, must have spent at least an hour a day searching through for specific papers or folders or pieces of mail. Cursing loudly the whole time.

He is the kind of guy who thinks that his job is the most important, and that everyone else isn’t working very hard at all, and referred to any kind of work that required him to actually take accountability for HIS stuff (i.e. filing, sorting, mailing stuff,phone call making) “Kindergarten work,” and always talking about how he should be doing “bigger things. Which always made me feel great because well, you know, my work area was always free from debris and clear because I had an incredible filing system for all of my work in progress. Yeah.

He is the kind of guy who doesn’t really know how to compartmentalize his feelings and so when he gets upset, he has explosions of the MASSIVE kind (really, a 3 year old has NOTHING on him.) Once he was so angry and so loud that I told him that if he “didn’t calm down a little bit that I was going to leave.” His response, “Well if you don’t have that much work to do, go.” I had to answer that with, “well, no, actually I have a ton of work to do, but I’m not going to try to do it sitting here listening to you curse and yell.” Often times I had to tell him to calm down, or go outside until he cooled off. For someone who hates yelling as much as I do, this job has been completely draining on my soul, for a very very long time.

Also, I’d like to point out that I’m not crazy in thinking this – all of the other office employees don’t really like this guy (we had a separate office, a football field distance away from them) and even the owner knew what I put up with. I had had MANY conversations about my co workers behavior with him and others over the course of my tenure there.

I had MANY responsibilities in that job, many very detailed, and many that no one else in the company knew how to do. So, about THREE MONTHS ago, I told the owner that I was wasn’t happy and that I was starting to look for new work. At that point he said he didn’t want to lose me as an employee but that we’d hire someone to take over my job, I could train them, and then move along into something else. An ad was placed in the paper. MANY people responded. Guess how many people had their resumes reviewed? That would be zero.

In fact, when I gave notice three weeks ago, there was STILL no movement on the replacement issue, AND a temp didn’t start working until WEDNESDAY of this week. I think he really expected me to train her or something in three days. Great. Well, the job is kind of hard and detailed and I did explain the best I could the bare bones minimum of what I do, and let her work on it. I farmed out more tedious tasks to other employees. And you would think that having a new person in the office would keep my evil co-worker on his best behavior, but, um, no. And the temp asked me if he was crazy. And then didn’t show up on Friday. I didn’t blame her.

But for whatever reason, when on the phone w/ the temp agency to find out why she wasn’t coming back, he somehow was able to get in contact with her and convince her to return on Wednesday of next week, making it sound like the reason she didn’t want to come back was because I TRIED TO TEACH HER TOO MANY THINGS. Yes, he blamed me for her departure, and my guess is that she was too scared to say, “actually I’m not coming back because you scare me.” Good luck to her, I doubt she’ll make a full week there.

But as for me? I am done. Done done done. I received some very lovely parting gifts, and took home two gigantor lobsters for a celebratory dinner. I got to hang out with some of my best friends and people and my wife, and did I mention it’s the holidays and my mom is coming today and I have the next 11 days off before I start an exciting adventure in a TOTALLY different industry, working for and with people I already know to be pleasurable and well, stable.

So, that’s what work life, which takes up a huge amount of space both time wise and emotional well being wise, has been like for me for the past few years. It feels both good and weird to have shared this with you. Good because I feel like I’ve been holding back on that. Even though I could have you know pwd protected or something, I’d still feel weird about spilling things that pertained to a job I was still doing. I don’t know why, clearly I did my best work for them, and well, wasn’t treated all that great (repeat, everyone ELSE treated me excellently.) I guess it’s hard for me to be totally open with you guys sometimes. But as I transition into a new position, and hopefully a much happier, and healthier place….you guys will notice a change in me too, and I wanted you to know why that might happen.

Happy Holidays everyone!


Champion wednesday

December 12, 2007

Since I’ve been all crafty lately (evidence to come soon, promise) I decided that I’d make us a Christmas tree skirt. Well, it was sort of a form/function thing, actually. Our tree is usually a Jewish tree, and we decorate in blue, white, and silver. Most store bought tree skirts are red and green. No go.

So last night I decided to make a pattern for our tree skirt. Of course we didn’t have any big paper, or even a newspaper on which I could draw my pattern, so I got creative and used a bunch of paper towels taped together. This is the point at which S started thinking I was crazy. I yelled into the bedroom, “Honey, the circumference of a circle is d*pi, right??” And got a response of, “um………maybe you should actually download a pattern, or go to the fabric store tomorrow and buy one.” See, she’s doubting me all the time.

Anyway, I was correct on my math, which is kind of amazing. So, I knew my circumference, and I knew how big the edge of each of my eight pieces should be but how to measure a curve? Easy. I cut a piece of string the length of my section, and marked thusly. And then gave myself a 1/4in seam allowance. And cut my own pattern. I am a fuckin’ genius. For realz.

We’ll see if it works later. But I think it will. Mathematically it should. I have faith in math. Even though it was my roughest subject ever.

I wish I didn’t have to prove I wasn’t crazy all the time though, like I could start a project with S having faith that it’s going to work from the beginning, rather than be shocked that it has worked in the end.  I mean, outside of that one jalepeno corn bread that I attempted to make without a recipe (don’t try that at home. Unless you need bricks for paving your walk or something) I’ve been pretty successful at my crazy ideas.

And outside of the massive amount of freezing rain that came down yesterday, today has been much less pissed off than Mon/Tues.


flows into pissed off Tuesday

December 11, 2007

I understand that I live in a city, but really, folks, it’s a small city. 60,000 people on a good day. I live in a quiet, tree lined neighborhood of said city, that has most streets ending in four way stop signs. It’s not a heavily trafficked neighborhood. Especially at 2 in the morning.

So please, please, someone explain to me why the PFD feels that they must blast the sirens while racing through the neighborhood at that time?  Seriously. I used to work on a rescue squad. At low traffic times, and especially in the middle of the night, we’d be considerate of the rest of the world and perhaps only use sirens at very busy intersections, and drive with lights only.

There was really no reason for me to be woken up last night as the screaming fire engine raced down my street. The fire/accident wasn’t on my street, we didn’t need to be made aware of it.  There was NO traffic on the streets, and  at that hour, if the strobe lights aren’t enough to keep a vehicle stopped at a four way sign well, then there’s bigger problems to fix.

Wonder what else is going to piss me off today? Stay tuned.


pissed off monday

December 10, 2007

For whatever reason I seem to have woken up on the wrong side today. I’m going to keep a running list of things that pissed me off this weekend, and add to it as the day progresses.

1-I live in New England. I am a Patriots fan. I would really have liked to watch the game against the Steelers yesterday, except I don’t have cable and it wasn’t a National game.  That pisses me off, a lot.

2-The Chris Rock movie “I Think I Love my Wife” wasn’t funny. Wasn’t even cute. Or clever. It was annoying. And obnoxious. We had a free “RedBox” rental so at least we didn’t pay for it. But still.

3-No matter how hard I try, my baking supplies and spices get messed up and out of order. And trust me, I do try to keep everything separate and clean. Gah.

4-On the topic of cleanliness, how the fuck are you supposed to clean the heating element on a hot air humidifier? It gets all gunked up, is too close to the plastic edge to really get in there – AND you’re supposed to clean it every day. Which sucks because you have to use it every day unless you want to have boogers the size of Kansas up your nose. Fuck dry winters.

more to come…

Added: My fly has been down for G-d knows how long. Gar. 



the world is full of crashing bores

November 15, 2007

This post is in response to the comment left for the last post by someone (and I apologize but I deleted the comment by accident. Please comment again, I promise I won’t be so careless this time) asking what my beef with the HRC was.  This is a pretty touchy subject for lots of people right now, and I’m sure that my views might anger or piss some of you off. For that, I’m sorry, but I’ll try to make this as fair as any debate can be, and as always feel free to comment with any thoughts or disagreeances you may have.

Right now my biggest issue with the HRC is the whole ENDA debacle of the past few weeks. I’ve posted about how I feel about the T inclusion in ENDA, and clearly, the HRC disagreed, and well, that caused ire with me. But even bigger than that? They LIED. Really. They did. At the beginning of ENDA legislation, the HRC was all about being behind a fully inclusive bill. Don’t believe me? Read this post at Pam’s House Blend and watch the video proof.  For further reading about why, specifically, the trans community has big issues with the HRC, check out this brilliant post. 

When I’ve talked about the HRC’s behavior with friends and acquaintances I’ve been told by some that “that’s politics.”  I say bullshit. Yes, I guess that some groups believe giving up the fight for some is better than losing the fight for all. But I don’t, and I don’t have to support it. 

I’m not new to having issues with this organization, either. I mean it’s hard to have much love or respect for an organization that bills itself as “America’s largest civil rights organization working to achieve gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender equality,” yet doesn’t even use the word “gay” in their name.

And of course this is my opinion, but it has ALWAYS seemed to me that they’ve preferred to receive most of their support from middle aged, upper class, white people, and do very little to reach out to queer youth, people of color,  and poor/homeless GLBT people. They don’t even have any trans-people on their board right now! Heck, in regards to ENDA, when the HRC pulled out of the T inclusive bill the  HRC released a poll which claims that “70% of the LGBT community now supports ENDA without gender identity protections.” They’ve not yet released how they got that information, I can tell you that I wasn’t polled. Neither was S. Or any of our friends. Or family. How bout you? Were you included? Will YOU count the next time YOUR community needs support?

These are the questions I think about when I see those little blue and yellow stickers on cars. And I pretty much always come to the conclusion that in general? Nope. I’m way way way too queer for the HRC to have my back.


following the herd

November 13, 2007

I’m going to do a bullet post, well, just because lots of other people are.

  • I think it’s time for us to get a new bed/mattress combo. It’s almost 8 years old and has been through three or four moves. And my back hurts in the morning, which sucks ass. I just wish that the decent ones weren’t so expensive. C’est la vie.
  • One of S’s co-workers has been diagnosed with Mono. S is freaking out. I’m all like, “well, you weren’t making out with him, so don’t worry about it.” That was an in my head thing. For real I said, “If you’re that concrened go get tested for it.”  Which is way nicer that the original thought of, “please don’t be a crazy hypochondriac.” Which I also didn’t say. But she’ll likely read this. And if she HAS Mono? I’m so up the creek without a paddle.
  • When we were in Western Mass this weekend we took the opportunity to go to Trader Joe’s. They are making a oreo type cookie with peppermint candy crunchie bits inside the filling.  They are the awesome.
  • I find myself getting the same icky yucky feeling I get when people have republican bumperstickers on their cars when I see the HRC equality sticker on cars.
  • I’m quitting yoga. This is sad because I kind of really liked it and felt really good after class. I’m not going back because the one class that fit in with my schedule really well and was really small and coincidentally, was mostly women struggling with infertility had a recent addition of a pregnant woman. And it’s not just that she’s pregnant and there, but the instructor puts the rest of the class on hold, a lot, to get this woman into positions that she can do because the ones the rest of us are doing are not suitable for pregnant women. It gives me more agita than stress relief because the whole time I’m just thinking “take a fucking pre-natal class instead of interrupting ours!!”
  • Outside of the little cookie bullet, this post may be one of the bitchiest ones I’ve ever posted. What’s up with that?

Maybe the bullet point style of posting isn’t just for me. Hrmmmmm.




Looking for the +1 (or 2?)

November 9, 2007

Today I’m taking my place at the table with the 12.5% of women who experience infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss,  and at the nudge of Mel and her “Blogactivism,” campaign telling you my story.  

I have always wanted children. I’ve known this….forever. Coming out as queer did not put a damper on these plans, it just meant that I better get lookin’ for THE woman with whom I would build a future with.  I found her in my 26th year, and married her two years later. Being as two girls does not a baby make, we knew that we would need some help. We also knew that I had funky funky cycles and probably had PCOS. Our first meeting with our RE, just a few weeks after our wedding confirmed all of this, and we started on a protocol of Metformin and Clomid IUI cycles.

And our journey sent us looking for sperm.  We realized that as we had very few bio-male friends in our lives, and that the ones we DID have and love lived too far away, or (in our minds) were too young to make huge decisions like sperm donation and severing parental rights, we’d need to buy the goods.  At the cost of about $350 per vial.  Thankfully, our insurance at the time covered diagnostic testing and monitoring, but not the actual IUI procedures.  We did five Clomid IUI’s which cost us around $5000.

After deciding that my HSG results were less than spectacular, we took some time off to pay off our debts and move on to IVF. Things looked very promising for our first IVF cycle, which again, we paid for out of pocket.  Actually, we had no pockets from which to pay with so the kind people at the credit card company picked up the approx. $8500 tab. That number doesn’t include drugs, which thankfully, some WERE covered by my medical insurance, but the most expensive ones were donated by friends and friends of friends. We paid a couple hundred dollars instead of a couple THOUSAND dollars for the drugs for our first IVF cycle.

Even though I was a great responder, for whatever reason, only 3 eggs were able to be retrieved from my overstuffed (there were at least 12 on monitor the morning before) ovaries and due to this low count, my clinic decided to perform rescue ICSI.  Tack on another $2000 for this unexpected expense. But it was ok, for a minute, as we DID get pregnant. Unfortunately,  we found out that this pregnancy wouldn’t last on Rosh Hashanah.  We got the ICSI bill from our clinic the day I started bleeding….which didn’t end until Yom Kippur.

Without having any of this expense covered by insurance, we’re in a waiting pattern again. We’d like to do IVF #2 in the early spring of 2008, and while I’m frustrated and sad that we’re waiting because of money, I’m tremendously thankful that we are in a position where we may be able to make our family expansion dreams a reality.