Archive for October, 2009


better than ice cream

October 23, 2009

Bullet point post time:

*I think that I may need to start linking people on my sidebar again. I feel like you might feel neglected because I’ve never really set this site up. I know that my IVP folks have kept along with me and there are bunches of new hits but you know I’d love to show link love. That could be a weekend project. Though, now that I’ve said it, I’m sure I will fail at this. Shocker.

*Laptop burglary sting on the hill. My house didn’t escape. Bad news, bye bye macbook. Good news, insurance,  new locks, deadbolt, and macbook pro.

*Fall is here and I need new clothes because nothing fits. This is a good thing. I am now a Mens M and sometimes S in sweaters. Neat.

*I haven’t been to the gym for a hard workout in two weeks. I have walked a zillion miles with Casco but I need to start doing more again. Must find time.

*I have the worlds best dog. Seriously. When the vet found out that I’d adopted her from a shelter he said “you hit the shelter dog jackpot.” She’s that good. LOVES kids, especially 2 y/o A, who likes to “walk” her around the house. Loves dogs, especially M, the dog of my dog walker. Yes, I have a dog walker. On my long work days Casco gets a long mid-day walk, or an excursion to run at the park. She needs this kind of exercize or else, well, it’s noticable. Not in a bad way or anything but she’s way more hyped up if she’s not given a run.  She also can fetch, knows her name, and comes with a whistle call, or her name. We have just about perfected “sit.” I am completely in love with this dog. Proof:


*I’m also in love with a girl. Things continue to be very very sweet with noname. I need to get over this noname bs soon. I’ll find something that fits, soon.  I admit that I’m a little sad that I don’t get to sleep at her house anymore because of Casco, and sometimes it’s hard for her to stay at my house. Things will work out in time, and neither one of us wants to force anything but the truth is, I miss her when she’s not around.

*Work continues to be work. Things are still pretty good, but I find it harder to be enthusiastic about the work I’m doing. I mean, I love the people I work with and g-d knows I love the money.  But I’m just not so fond of the “work” part of it anymore. We’ll see.

*Speaking of money – this is the first month since we broke up where I’m actually going to….stretch to make ends meet. I mean, there were about $2000 of weird expenses (deductable for new laptop, broken tooth, etc) and Casco set up wasn’t cheap but it was do-able. I’m just thankful that well, I have good credit. I just wanted to get more out of debt, not further in it. It’ll be ok, bonus time is coming up as is tax time, and things will get more even keeled in the financial sector of life.

*I’m becoming better friends with two beautiful women who I don’t think in a million years I would have pegged as people I would be close with.  They have strongish connections to S and A, though perhaps slightly less these days, and were, for me, in my mind,  most certainly in the “lost friend” camp after the break up. But time passes and both of them have offered me great clarity and insight into a lot of things I never considered before, and I think that they’ve both gotten to know the me that I haven’t really been for a long time.  I value them both so much – and they are GREAT advice givers. For serious.  We’re smashing the stereotype that butches and femmes can’t just be friends and, honestly? I’m love love loving them both so much. Life is way more fun with both of them in mine.

*I have a doppleganger. She lives in a state about 1000 miles away. She kind of looks like me and thinks like me and likes the same music I do.  She also has a connection to past people but, fuckit if I haven’t found someone to be friends with who makes me laugh, points out the obvious when I can’t see it, and is happy for my successes and happiness. She makes my days go by much much better-er. Really, there’d be a big big void if she suddenly dissapeared. Or got a job that didn’t allow for chat slackerdom.

*I worry that my happiness isn’t real, that I can’t quite be having as good of a time with life as I am, that a shoe is going to drop and things are going to return to the pit of despair. This is what I’m working most on these days. I’m working on seeing if I can get off the anti-d’s. I’m still working to create a family. I’m still working on strengthening the family I already have. I’m still….really trying and struggling with the feeling like I might not be trying hard enough. Perhaps I’m not, and perhaps I’m not quite in a place where I can just lighten up on myself.

*I am in love with the West Wing. I’ve listened to my sister talk about this show for a year. I’ve listened to noname talk about this show since we started dating. I finally started watching season 1. OMG. SO freaking good. And Stockard Channing. If either of them told me she was on the show I would have started a long time ago.

There you go. This kind of post is what happens when I feel guilty for not posting. I’ll try to be better-er. Really.



October 13, 2009





and now i wanna be your dog

October 10, 2009

cascoHoly heck.

But it was love at first sight. Good with cats, dogs, kids. Incredibly sweet. Fairly trained.

I bring her home Tuesday, barring any paperwork complications.

I’m so done for.


1,2,3,4 5 senses working overtime

October 6, 2009

I guess I’ve been kind of quiet because well, things have been….I don’t know, just a bit weird, but mostly good? I’m just in a feeling really happy kind of place. I miss Mali, but I’ve also made the decision that I am going to adopt a shelter dog. It’s not something I’m going to rush into but it is in the works, and I can be patient and wait for the right puppy/dog to come along. I’m going to meet some on Saturday and take it from there.

I’ve wanted a dog for a long time. I know that my schedule isn’t the most conducive to dog having but I can work around this. I have a friend who runs a dog walking service, and I can utilize that on my long days and well, I’d really like a canine friend.

We’re day/s away from round two on the baby front. I missed last month due to well, being busy. It was a really busy month. I’m considering boarding the Clomid train again for November and maybe going back on a lower dose of Met to see what happens. I do believe this can happen – and I’m ok w/ IVF again if that’s what I can afford later in the year/early next.

Speaking of early next, I’m in the beginning phases of planning J’s European Vacation.  It will be 9 days in Brussels, Amsterdam, and Paris. Yeah, that’s not a whole lot of time but I think it will be a really nice selection. And honestly, if I am pregnant by then? We can maybe skip Amsterdam because really, what’s the purpose if I’m pregnant.  Do not flame with how wonderful Amsterdam is on it’s own merits, talking about the Anne Frank house or the Van Gogh museum, I know they are there, and I’d love to see both and more of the lovely city but we’ve discussed where my….tendencies lead me and Amsterdam does have that draw for me. I’m going to stop rationalizing now.

The last few weeks were filled with live music and events for me –  Margaret Cho, Rufus Wainwright, Girlyman, Po’ Girl…..all tremendous shows that I’d been looking forward to for a long time. I love the availability of good live entertainment here.

Last weekend I managed to bring ….(I know. I’m working on it) to the Big E. I freaking LOVE the big E.  I’ve written about it before. That’s how much I love it. Two times for the Big E.  We had a great time. It was the first time that … has ever been so we pretty much spent 6 hours walking around eating little bits of everything that you can eat at a huge giant fair and just….having a great time with one of my dearest most loved friends, who I don’t see nearly enough but always have an incredible time with.  It was a great great day.

I could live in the VT State house at the Big E. Cabot cheese, Ben-n-Jerry’s, ice cream, flatbread pizza,  and otter creek beer. What more could you want? Seriously, get me a sleeping bag and I’m so in.  Better than “Night at the Museum,” for sure.

Tonight? I think tonight is going to me about me. The Gilmore Girls. Sewing some buttons on to things that need fixing. Maybe straightening up the studio a bit and getting a jump on that. There’s some big plans in the works and I just want my house in order so that if things happen, well, I’m prepared.

Tomorrow? Tomorrow, due to someone canceling an apt, I’m going to get my tattoo finished. This is good because otherwise it was going to be JUNE before I was able to get in. So. Serendipitous for me.  And also playing with my 2 and 4 year old friends.  And probably making squash/potato gnocchi.

Today was the first sweater vest day of the year.

I love fall in New England. Much.