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try to be more assured, try to be more right there, try to be less uptight, try to be more aware

September 19, 2009

Shana Tova! Happy New Year! Welcome to 5770. My promise to myself is to do my best to focus on the positive, and to be as positive as I can possibly be in this new year. I’m going to eschew the negative, keeping those energies out of my day to day. I’m going to continue to work on both my mental and physical health and be as strong as I can be in both areas. I’m going to spend more time figuring out how I can be a better friend, daughter, sister, and partner. I’m going to try to continue to figure out how I best communicate and continue to recognize when and why I break down in that cycle. I’m going to do my best to let people love me without fear and reservation. This year is going to be about love and hope, and not about sadness, depression, and negativity.

I’ve spent the last few months preparing for this year – the actual change in dates being a marker of time, a marker of where I am in the process. Falling in love has never quite been such a shock to my system before. Probably because I wasn’t expecting it with…..(still no nickname.) I mean really not expecting it. Ever. I’ve known her for years. It’s the first time I’ve ever been involved with someone who I knew and loved as a friend, first. It is a little bit strange, but in some ways tremendous – because I know who she is – like really is. I know, without a doubt at all how badly she’d like to have a family. I know how wonderful she is with children – how they seem to just…flock to her with some sort of weird kid magnetism. She could be exhausted, sick, whatever, and STILL somehow have the ability to play with, swing, or sing to a child who wants her attention. It amazes me.

She lavishes this affection on me as well. It amazes me all the time how much patience she has for me and all of my hiccups. She knows how cautious I am about jumping into things, and she knows how badly I’ve been hurt. She’s been in that bad place too. I know where her weaknesses are, and her issues, and she knows mine and we’ve both agreed that they’re things we can deal with and work through together. She knows what my intentions for my life are, what I want and desire, and she also knows that I don’t make promises lightly. She understands my hesitation and reservations and just says that she’ll just have to continue to show me and tell me. Amazing.

She continues to surprise me with day excursions and adventures and well…I’m just terribly smitten and falling (ok, fell) and focusing on us – but also remembering who I am and what makes ME happy as a person – which, I think, is going to do me well in my future. I’m remembering to take time for me and my friends and continuing to explore and cultivate new friendships and connections as well.

I’m going to enjoy the life that working hard affords me. As much as I don’t particularly love the work I do, I DO love the people I work with, and I do like the money part, quite a bit, and will continue to use it to do things that fill my heart and soul with happiness, while also being slightly more responsible about saving for the future.

I will continue to pursue my dreams of becoming a parent. I will not be discouraged or negative about this anymore. It’s not just a shot in the dark, it will happen, and I will continue to not. stress. about the process.

I will focus on spending the next year continuing the growth that I’ve begun and being the best person that I can. I’m grateful for all that I have, and for the opportunities and good fortune I have to be in a position where I can reflect like this, and strive for excellence in my life.

What are your goals for the new year? What are you grateful for?

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3 comments

  1. happy new year, dear.
    thank you for this post ~ i dont know what else to say except thank you for writing this all out. i am stuck at work and cannot blog from here but wowie i have some thoughts LOL

    am so glad miss no-nickname is making you smile 🙂 things sound amazing and i love her for her resolve in keeping telling you and showing you thru your hiccups 🙂 girls like that are HARD to find.

    hugs to you and wishing you a new year full of wonderful things.

    xo,
    gypsy


  2. happy new year, sweetie
    you sound like sunshine. love it


  3. Happy New Year, I love that you are happy and loved.



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