happy in the haze of a drunken hour

July 31, 2009

I know, I haven’t written a bunch but, honestly I haven’t had a real day off in a few weeks now, and have been working 10-12 hour days consistently. I can’t complain because busy means “paid” and paid is good. Basically, there’s a gov’t program right now giving people a lot of money for their crappy gas guzzling vehicles. So people are buying new cars. So yeah. I’m busy. And tired a lot. And summer is FINALLY here and I seem to be working on all the really “good” days, which is sad, but….

Things are settling. Strangely enough I’ve found support and strength from a not entirely unlikely source, but certainly unexpected. I’m feeling more and more validated about how I’ve worked through things since February. And more confident in that some of my observations and thoughts are actually shared by others and not just out on a limb type things that I made up in my grief and anger. Which is a good thing.

And I’m slowly. Like. R.e.a.l.l.y. slowly starting……to get to know someone a lot better. And thinking seriously about you know, opening the door again and letting her know me a little better as well. It’s nice. I’ve never “dated” like this before. I’m starting to love my house with vigor – especially now that I have things like a painted living room, and a couch, and….space that feels like it’s all mine, all the time.

And my Mom’s coming up in a week. She had a heart attack scare two weeks ago. I didn’t write about it because the reality was 1)it really wasn’t a huge deal and 2)i was really really really fucking scared that I was going to have to deal with something (again) that would be the end of so much for me and my family that…it was maybe just too hard to write about. But she’s fine, and feeling much better and she’ll be here in a week. Yay.

For now? Thunder is kind of rumbly and it’s hot and unstable, but cool enough to sleep w/o a fan or a/c (which is good because I left that with s) but the windows open and the breeze off the water lulling me to dreamland.


  1. have missed your words, girl!
    sounds like you are well, tho the working so much in the awesome summer stinks…the *paid* part is great 🙂

    have a great visit with your mom ~ i look forward to the days when i dont like with mine and i look forward to visits with her 😛

    and you seriously made me jealous about the thunder and breezes to sleep in…

    dont be a stranger 🙂

  2. glad your mom is ok 🙂

  3. sweet dreams and keep doing great

  4. glad to hear you mom is well, yeah I am totally jealous about the cool breezes and open windows..

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