Economic stimuwha?

May 1, 2008

A short and unplanned conversation with my favorite Amazonian Politico has led to a couple of sleepless nights for me.  Let me go to the beginning though, so this tale doesn’t seem so disjointed….

As we’re not “really” married, we don’t have all of those zillion protections that come with the “real” piece of paper. And when we started the babymaking experiment we knew that eventually, we were going to have to cough up some serious shekels to get paperwork like wills, health care proxies, power of attorney stuff, and eventually, adoption papers in order. But we also knew that the goal was making a kid, and that was expensive too so we threw all our resources there, and figured that when a kid showed up we’d find a way to pay for all of the legalities.  Which we know is really flawed logic, but, whatever.

Now, I’m really kind of happy that I live in a state where the option to do these things is here, like the adoption stuff, etc, but for reals? It costs a LOT of money to have a lawyer draw up all this paperwork. It’s not like we can go to the local poor kids legal council (and the thing is, we’re not terrifically poor, its just that you know, a grand or so to work out all this paper is not something we can come up with out of thin air – I really don’t think we’re alone in this) and get their staff to help us out – the attorney has to be very familiar with this kind of stuff, so that nothing gets missed, and that the paperwork is water tight.

I really don’t think that either of our families would question the commitment we made in front of them and the rest of our friends over 2 years ago. I don’t think that anyone thinks that the 5 years that we’ve been together have not ‘counted’ as committed or real or whatever. But in grief? Who knows. My father’s girlfriend locked us out of his house and didn’t let us have anything except what we already had on us from the hospital when he died.

I guess this wouldn’t be weighing so heavily on my mind, but, if you haven’t had access to the private posts, S is having a hysterectomy late next month.  There is a softball sized fibroid located in the middle of the lining of her uterus. Because of it’s size it can not be removed laproscopically, and because of it’s location in the lining of the uterus, they’ve decided that to save her uterus would make a particularly risky and bloody surgery very likely. But, again, because of it’s size it will likely have to be removed abdominally, which makes it slightly more risky surgery, and definitely has a longer recovery time. S will be out of commission for the month of July.

Now, S has complete faith in her medical team and because of her confidence, I do too. And everything will probably be just fine. But still. There’s always a ‘what if.’

And that’s what’s kept me up at night recently.

And instead of paying off debt, or putting it into savings, or fuck, even blowing it all on a gigantor television set…our economic stimulus package (should we actually get it – not that we don’t trust the administration) is going to go to trying to amass as many of the zillion rights that “real” marriage would have afforded us.

I wonder if Mr. Bush would see the irony in that.


  1. o wow… you know i was wondering about the password entries…(but i couldn’t find your email anywhere…geez i thought i was more organized)
    my thoughts are with you kids.
    and remind S, that July is a GREAT time to be out of commission – just lay around and enjoy the summer while you wait on her hand and foot 😉

  2. I was thinking that the one benefit for queer couples of not being legally married, therefore not being able to file jointly, is the possibility of both getting the check. Terribly ironic.

  3. I already got my stimulus check….so they are for real. 🙂
    It can be so stressful when our rights are not protected, or even when we have to do lots of work and spend lots of money to make it happen.
    Take care of yourselves!

  4. It’s worth every Bush given penny. And you only have to do it once. Next year, you can go buy that giant television! 🙂
    Now go get some sleep…

  5. Lord y’all. Such a mess. I think this is a fine way to “stimulate” the economy.

  6. I so hear you about the legal protections fretting. We are in the process of getting some of those documents but now and then when I really think about it I suddenly feel like I’m standing naked in the middle of a fast-moving river. And it’s raining. It’s scary to think that I might not even be allowed into a hospital room. It’s scary to think of all the money necessary to get me into that hospital room.

    I really hope that S’s surgery goes smoothly and her recovery is fast. And I hope you get some sleep!

  7. I think that is an *excellent* use of his stimulus package.

  8. Yes, my thoughts when this “stimulus” thing was first announced was that I would spend it on things that George W. wouldn’t support himself. It sucks that you have to use up all the money just to protect yourselves though. I hope it helps you worry less and sleep better.

  9. You know, I am always so touched and amazed at your love for S. I have noticed that everytime there is a huge dissapointment or trauma, you ALWAYS come back with a love essay for your wife. It is a beautiful thing to see again and again.

  10. Hey, I am not even sure you are interested but I did all the legal paperwork through free great legal sites and had the POA and the WILL and the Bliss guardianship all drawn up on my own and then went through a $130 notary public process to make them all legal. I have the url’s if you are interested, just email me.

  11. Even getting a “real” marriage in Massachusetts did not give us all the rights and legal protections of a hetero marriage. We are protected here but anything that has to do with the federal gov’t or if we travel to other states, we are screwed.

    I hope your wife has a uneventful surgery, a quick recovery, and is feeling wonderful very soon.

  12. it’s all so insane- these stupid ass checks. If anyone in our family gets them they will go right into paying for health care. grumble.

    thinking about you both & sending much love.

  13. i think that’s a great use for them.

  14. Klove and I drew up all our own paperwork, too. We used websites from our state that had the standard legal forms, and then our credit union notarized them for us. Durable POA for finances and health care, wills (and the special affadavits that Utah wills have to have), living wills. We even did our joint guardianship of Sassa ourselves, and then just paid the court filing fee. Saved us several thousand dollars all told. Our documents are solid and given the state we live in you know that I don’t say that lightly.

    We’re in the process of redoing our wills because we’re creating a trust for Sassa and setting up the trust so that control of the money and assets that she’ll inherit in case of our deaths will not go to the person who has custody of her — we don’t want slimy relatives to fight to get her thinking that they’ll get her money. We’re actually using an attorney to set that up because it’s something more complicated than the simple wills we did before (I leave everything I own to X).

    We’re also getting an attorney for our adoption. But I can’t talk about that here.

  15. Hey there…I know I owe you some information that hopefully will help you sleep a little better at night. A certain fundy freak from MCCL has me buried at work…little fucker…but I will sit down on Tuesday and do some research. Hang in there. I’m thinking of you both.

  16. Hey J-

    Check out Suze Orman she has all of that stuff available as well and I happen to have it on disk if ya want it. Give S our love.

    L & D

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