Archive for May, 2007

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Mooses? Meeses?

May 31, 2007

So. The train has slowed down a bit and will not be leaving the station this month. But that’s ok, really, as it kind of felt out of control and really fast for a while. Exciting as all get out, but still, a little too fast for me/us.

Yesterday was sono-hysto #2, and it was fine. I mean, yeah, it hurt, but I knew what to expect, and everything looked just peachy, and I just had to do it. Again. But whatever. S came with me and was wonderful company. Well, except for the fact that while we were waiting for the dr, I got up off the table to read a poster that was on the wall, and S took pictures of my not quite sheet covered behind. Fucking cell phone cameras.

So. Everything looks good, and we’ll be signing consent forms soon and I’ll start my protocol after NEXT months cycle (somewhere around July 4th) and we’ll be off. One more month to fully be out of debt and also extra time to figure out where the money is going to come from. Which is a HUGE question mark right now but seriously, I’m not going to stress about it, because it’s just not worth it.

Some other news. Since my consult with him a year ago, high risk OB has decided that I probably should be on a blood thinner for the duration of my pregnancy, due to MTHFR.  Last year, both the blood specialist AND the high risk OB said that my extra vitamins (folic/b series) and baby aspirin regimen would be fine. Especially because I had “no history of miscarriage.” And that is the part that pissed me off. I mean, if sperm were free, and I’d been easily knocked up, or it didn’t cost me anything, then MAYBE I’d be slightly more inclined to try to carry w/o taking the blood thinners. Even then I’d have to REALLY think about it. But for real, uhm, I’d like to NOT create a history of miscarriage. Because if I DID lose a baby because of something that could have been prevented AND it cost me 20 grand to actually get pregnant? I might seriously lose my shit. Really. So. Lovenox, here I come. I am not looking forward to the bruises. Oh well. More needles.

Enough talk of this. I will tell you about some current events. I learned of this on the radio, on my way to work today.  It is the time of year when Mama Moose leave their year old offspring to fend for themselves in order to focus their attention to their new young. 

The young moose aren’t uhm…fully smart yet so sometimes they wander into places they don’t belong. Like downtown Portland (they ALWAYS meet poor fates when that happen) or the highway.  Generally speaking, they do ok if they get hit on the road, but the cars and the people driving them don’t. Moose seriously fuck up cars. This is because they are bigger, and unlike deer which kind of deflect off the hood, moose go through the windshield. Yippie.

Now, if you DO hit a moose, you should call the authorities. Because if it needs to be…put down due to unrehabilitative injury, they will take care of it. And then they will contact the LIST of people they have who would like the meat for personal consumption.  Now, I understand that people eat moose meat, hunters, etc. and I mean, it’s all natural w/ou hormones, et But people. They have a LIST of people who want road killed moose.

Only in Maine. Only in Maine.

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i shit you not

May 29, 2007

someone found this blog by google searching the following:

“Can I get pregnant if we both had jeans on”

 

Poor, poor, misguided thing.

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The wonder of it all

May 29, 2007

Actually, we went to Mohegan Sun, not Foxwoods as the title (those of you who live w/in their commercial viewing zone might get that) would imply.  I have never been to any of the Connecticut reservation casinos before but on Friday we had our chance to check one out.  With good reason though, not just the lure of gambling away money we don’t really have to gamble with.

A few months back I believe I told you that our friend Ian Harvie was opening up for Margaret Cho on her current tour, and that he was wicked funny and should be checked out.  Well, this past Friday we had an opportunity to catch the show.  It was totally worth the 3 hour drive. For true.   I’m just going to say that both Ian and Margaret were hysterically funny, and we thoroughly enjoyed spending time with our friend who we don’t get to see often, and also, I won’t lie, it was really cool to hang out with Margaret.  She’s really funny, and completely down to earth and very very nice. Thanks to them both for the tickets to the show and the company. Lovely time.

The meat of this post is about the casino itself. First I need to come clean about something that well, I’ve kind of kept hidden from you all for the past eh, year or so. It is a shameful and dirty secret but I will reveal it now to you. I LOVE to smoke. Seriously. Quitting smoking has been very very very hard for me, and well, I’m not so good at it, ESPECIALLY in “time off” from ttc periods.  So, it’s only been a small period of time during which I have totally abstained from even the occasional cigarette. It was actually going ok. I mean, this road trip was slightly tough, but my jaw was kept occupied with gum, and I was doing good. Until we got to the casino.

It seems like EVERYONE is smoking in the casino. And it’s weird – Even if someone is smoking a cigarette right in front of you, it doesn’t smell like it. The rumor I heard is that the ventilation system throws out ions that push the smoke down to the ground immediately, which I guess works with the smoke part, but the whole place smells like….my (now dead) aunt Fran’s house.  Like old people and old smoke. It’s kind of well….disgusting.  As MUCH as the smell made me kind of want to smoke, I was totally turned off by it the entire time, and the permeating smell made me feel kind of…ill, and uhm, kind of grossed out that I’d even consider wanting to smoke.

Another issue for me in places like this are the sight/sound sensory overload that I experience almost as soon as I walk in the door. I’m drawn to the lights like a moth to a flame. The sounds of the machines form little happy explosions in my head. I am usually completely overwhelmed by the whole shebang and uhm, need to be watched carefully or else I will wander towards whatever flashy thing is intriguing me the most. Seriously, we should have brought a leash.

The other sound/smell combination is that of chlorine and rushing water. There is a series of internal waterfalls throughout the casino, so in addition to the old people/smoke smell there is eau du swimming pool as well. And in addition to the games sounds there is the tremendous sound of crashing water. Yippie.

In addition to all of that casino-ey goodness there is the food/shopping part. There are a zillion different restaurants in the casino, all of them seemingly very expensive.  We went to a BBQ place afterwards (not my choice,) and I was incredibly disturbed that instead of napkins they give you a big rolled up white hand towel. Which immediately reminded me of a trick towel. Which kind of grossed me out on many levels. And the food was kind of sucktastic, which made the experience even better.  If you’re going to visit, don’t visit hungry. Eat in Mystic and then drive up. Seriously.

We spent so much time talking and catching up with our friend that we didn’t even have a chance to put a single solitary nickel into a slot machine. Which is probably good. Though even in the back of my mind I was kind of hoping that you know, one quarter would turn into $20,000 and then I would be able to get some sleep at night, instead of worrying about money and upcoming expenses. But oh well….more on that another day.

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Overheard in…

May 26, 2007

a car driving through Worcester, MA when the song “We are One Body,” by Sophie B. Hawkins comes on the iPod:

S: ~Lalalala singing along happily~

J: This is some hokey ass lesbian music.

S: Do you know how much faggety ass Morrissey you make me listen too? Shut the fuck up and let me listen to the song.

J: Yes, Dear.

S: You’re going to blog about this, right?

J: uhm. Yep.

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Remember that time when this was a baby-making blog?

May 24, 2007

It looks like it may be the return. CD1. Bloodwork tomorrow. Sono-Hysto Wednesday.

 

Holy shit.

 

 

In other, non baby news….

Dear New York Yankees,

Thank you for showing up yesterday. I’ll admit you’ve induced baseball driven agita, a lot, so far this season. Please decide that winning is good and continue to do so. And ease up off of Joe. It’s not his fault you suck.

xo

j

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The difference a day makes

May 22, 2007

Today S and I went for our consult with our RE. We hadn’t actually had a “sit down” with her since late 2005, and it has been so long that I couldn’t even remember my cute internet nickname for her and had to look it up. It seemed to both of us that Dr. Excitement was way more personable and….at ease, which was really perfect. We were both kind of nervous going in, which was understandable, and the chitchat that she made while going over my chart was more than just banter, but thoughtful, caring questions. That and she said that I was looking great, which as you know…flattery gets you everywhere with me.

First we talked about some of my workups from last year. As you know, I didn’t really ask questions about bloodwork, etc, and just assumed that if something was wrong, they would tell me. Turns out, I was right. All of my CD3 testing was spot on, my estrogen levels, FSH, etc, all well within the normal range. Good.

We started talking about how we were no longer interested in doing Clomid IUI’s, and that we were ready to move on to bigger and better things. When we started to chat about doing an injectables cycle, she pulled up the films of my HSG and re-evaluated them. Her summation of my tubes was exactly the same as it was a year and a half ago, which was “not great, but I’ve seen people get pregnant with tubes like these.” Not exactly reassuring, and she (and us together,) decided that even though an injectables cycle would tell us how my body responded to ovarian stimulation, she didn’t think it was worth the cost of drugs and sperm to try that with the condition of my tubes. On to IVF.

My doctor still thinks that there is a 90% chance that I will get pregnant and carry a baby. We asked if she really really meant that, and she gave a warm smile and said that she absolutely did, and would most certainly tell us if she thought otherwise. This was very reassuring. We talked a little about her policies which are this: For women my age she transfers two embryos, unless otherwise asked to transfer one. This is what we were hoping for. The clinics results are very good with women my age, and with PCOS. Though honestly, it doesn’t really matter because they are the only game in town.

We talked quite a bit about my thrombosis panel. I have homozygous MTHFR. Last year she sent me to a blood specialist as well as a high risk OB who both said that with the added B12, B6, Folic Acid, and baby aspirin, I should be fine and not experience any problems with maintaining a pregnancy. Though both of their files also mentioned “had not had pregnancy loss yet,” which well, kind of….doesn’t sit well with me. I mean, ANY pregnancy loss is horrible, but to lose one that cost SO much financially and emotionally when it could have been prevented would really upset me. So while we were in the office, she emailed the OB again and asked if his opinion had changed at all, and if he would now recommend that I took a blood thinner throughout the pregnancy. We’ll see, but on to getting us pregnant first.

Nurse Wonderful popped her head in to our apt to say that she had an appointment that afternoon and wouldn’t be able to stay and do our “IVF Calendar” overview, but that we could do it with one of the other nurses, or over the phone with her. We chose the other nurse route, because while we love N.W., if it was just on the phone it would just be me listening, and well, S is more logical and reasonable and often thinks of great questions, which I, in my…reactionary state don’t really have the capability of handling. Anyway, it looks like a standard IVF protocol…BCP’s, Lupron, Follistim. I heard the name “Menupur” tossed around in there too. We found out that I would need to re-do some bloodwork, (and get another sono-hysto – blech) and that also, interestingly, because we are “fluid bonded” (I don’t even wanna go there right now) S had to have a blood draw as well, for an STI screening panel.

After that we met with the financial person, which was actually really good. They have their own shared risk program in the clinic, which is not through any of the fertility lending agencies because as Dr. E said, they just couldn’t put together a package w/ everything they wanted. So, we WILL have to find an outside lending source (Bank? Parents? Capitol 1? – not sure yet what is going to work best) but we also found out that the price was WAAAY less than we thought it would be for the standard 3 Fresh/FET terms of the shared risk deal. The return percentage is much higher than we thought too. This is the way we’re going to go.

Before we left we told the “new” nurse…hrm, we’ll call her Nurse Also Great that for me, CD1 would probably be early next week. She then dropped the bomb on us that if we did the blood testing now, and did the sono hysto early enough that…..we could potentially finish our IVF checklist and start THIS CYCLE. Like in two weeks. Less than. Holy shit. Woah. It’s scary as hell but neither one of us wants to pull the reigns back, but I’ll admit, after so much waiting around it’s hard to grasp the enormity of such forward motion in one day. NAG (that doesn’t look good. But seriously, she’s great) also told us that she could fit us in for our blood work in an hour.

We went and got lunch, came back, and got our blood work. NW came in and we chatted for a bit, and we found out that she had been promoted within the clinic and was now managing the nurses but because we were her patients before, she got to (happily) keep us. Yay.

And thus ended our medical filled afternoon. It took over 3 hours. We were exhausted afterwards but I had to go back to work anyway and try to stay calm and process everything that was going on in my head – and…well…

A certain IVP member has offered me an INCREDIBLE gift of some drugs. Like, pretty much a cycle’s worth of one of them. A very expensive drug. And yes, I know she didn’t really pay that much for them, and that she’s pregnant now and won’t need them, but….I’m seriously flabbergasted by the offer, and what the gesture means to us. I can’t even begin to thank her enough. A bug about some other gifted drugs being available was put in my ear from another friend, so who knows…..it may actually take a village, or an IVP, to make this baby.

But right now, I think it is in my/our best interest to lighten up, and start thinking that this baby really is going to be made. Wow.

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planet earth is blue and there’s nothing i can do

May 18, 2007

It’s been a long week, friends.  It has felt long mostly because I’m battling an upper respiratory plague – sore throat, stuffed nose, clogged ears. I have been enjoying Alka-Seltzer,  sugar free cough drops, and I have almost od’d on “Throat Coat” tea.  I was skeptical about the tea because S sometimes drinks one of their teas when she feels an asthma attack coming on and it smells like ramen noodles. She says it tastes like that too, so I didn’t have high hopes for this tea, but licorice is the prevailing flavor, and as I love all things licorice/anise, I quite enjoy it. Seems to work too. Score. Also, a local company here makes these frozen tea pops, which are also lovely and quite enjoyable when one has a sore throat (also good when one is not ill.) Yummy remedies.

It’s also been a long week because friends are going through some horrible crap right now, and I wish anything for them not to be. It’s weird, this internet….in the way it brings people together.  Clear across the country these women who are new in my life could potentially have the worst day ever – and there’s nothing I can do except offer words, which feel small and meaningless. I will leave it at that and move on to something else…

I’ve been keeping this pretty close to my vest but…..S and I have an IVF consult on Monday. I think we’ve decided to jump in with both feet, finances and everything else, be damned.  We’re excited because it’s progress, but scared and sad because it feels like a significant phase of our family expansion plan is ending.  

But here’s what I need from you, IVP(tm)  and beyond! I know you vet (and maybe not so vet) IVF’ers can help.  What questions should we be asking. What should we ask to know about the blood work they did on cd3 for all of the IUI cycles last summer/fall? What does this stuff mean? Remember, you’re talking to the non-charter, the non FF’er, basically, I know when I start, stop, and ovulate.  So, what do I need to know? What kind of “percentages” questions do I ask about results? Should I ask her opinion of a injectable cycle before actually jumping to IVF? What policies should I ask about?

Seriously folks. Gimme the scoop. What questions do you wish you asked at your consults. What questions are you going to ask me when I return? What should I expect??

As always, all help is greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.