The Rules

September 28, 2006

Since some of you have asked about my “you can’t blog about that” rules, I thought I’d make a whole post about it. Some of the rules are self created, and others are enforced by S. So..in no particular order:

1- I can not blog about our (reallyreallyquiteplentifulandawesome) sex life. Period.

2- I do not blog about my place of employment, though I sometimes (not really often) talk about what I do. I don’t think that many of you who only know me through this blog know how I eek out a meager living.

3- I do not blog about my family, for two reasons. One, they (with the exception of my trusted sister) don’t know about its existence and have no way of rebutting any claims about them that I may make, and Two, if they ever DO stumble across the blog and start reading, I would hate for them to think I wrote stuff about them, posted it on the internet, and didn’t tell them.

4- There are currently no pictures of either one of us on the blog, nor do I foresee that becoming a reality any time soon. Pictures of us on flickr are locked for friends only viewing.

5- No real names are allowed. Initials are ok.

6- I can blog about our plans, etc, but not specifics, times, dates, etc. I can blog about these things AFTER the fact, but not before.

7- Remain mostly anonymous. Seriously. Someone warped could read through the entire blog and probably piece together enough information to figure out who we really were. I’m not saying that as an invitation, it’s just a fact. S has a fairly public job with a good bit of exposure, and 99% of people who figure out who she is, will know who I am too. I’m not that worried about it, really. At some point in time, perhaps when the world starts going right for me and a baby is here, living and breathing, and I’m no longer working, I may “come out” of the blog closet. Don’t know yet. Right now, anonymous is good.

That’s about it. I don’t think I missed any. So…

What are your “rules?”



  1. If I couldn’t blog/talk smack about my family I would go crazy.

    My (self-imposed) rules are:
    1) no last names or unique 1st names of friends
    2) no specifics about my previous job(s)

    um…I think that is it.

  2. My rules:

    1) no blogging about personal problems between Kristin and I. For example, no one knows that Kristin and I were seperated-but-still-living-together through last November and most of December while we got ready to sell the house. Thank goodness we worked everything out, but if I had been blogging about it, it would have inflamed the situation.
    2) I only blog about problems with my family when I think it serves a larger purpose and I am prepared to defend what I say. To that end I try to write about other people with integrity, honesty, and compassion. I’m not ALWAYS successful, but I try.
    3) I’m really not supposed to write about K and my sex life. Sometimes I do, and even though I am always loving and vague when I do so it always bothers Kristin.
    4) I don’t blog about work.

    I think that’s it…

  3. Hmmm… very interesting… I definitely have ‘rules’ for myself, but never sat down to really put them in any concrete form. Let’s see… I choose not to…

    1. use our last names or the kids real names, mostly because they are fairly unique. Nor do I use the names of family members if they are unique, nor the names of my nieces and nephews and other peoples kids.

    2. talk about our sex life (I may have alluded to things here or there, but Heather is very modest and would be horrified if I blogged about it).

    3. put up pictures of the kids, I think there is a picture of Heather somewhere, but none of the kids, zero, zip, zilch. There are ones of the kids on flickr, but they are only open to friends and family. (this kills me because I *want* to post pictures, hey, my kids are cute, but the pervs run amok on the internet!)

    I have to be cautious about…

    1. Posting about family or friends – some of my family and friends know about my blog, some of the read it, but I don’t know who. The world is scarily small.

    2. Posting about extended family using unique information. When our friends died in the car crash I posted the article from the newspaper on my blog. Dumb. Lots of folks found my blog that I never wanted to, folks that know me, but not enough to respect my blog for what it is. Lesson learned.

    3. Talking about what I do because our business is so unique, I don’t want our customers finding my blog.

    4. Posting about places we go or are planning to go.

    I think that’s it… I’ll think of more I’m sure…

  4. so wait… S is famous?
    so if i figure out who she is then i would know who you are…
    hmm, i am so intreged.
    famous actress?
    local commerical?

  5. This post and it’s comments are really interesting and have got me thinking, thanks J.

    Like Danielle, I’ve never actually set myself down any concrete rules, though there are definitely things that are no go areas.

    No photos, etc.

    I usually run my posts by jay before publishing – she’s way more internet savvy than me – but that has occasionally caused grumpiness when she’s not been happy at the level of detail I’ve included about something she feels private about (the grumpiness usually being mine when she shames me into editing).

    I’d be interested to know of any tips or tricks or things to avoid (like Danielle’s experience with the newspaper article). I’ve noticed people using asterisks to replace some letters in place names (clinics for example) – I assume this scuppers a Googl£ search?

  6. I try not to write anything I wouldn’t say to someone’s face (which isn’t much lol). I also don’t use family member’s names although I do have our last name out there.

  7. As long as I talk it over with nicole first, I can write about it. I don’t post too much about work — vagueness abounds!

  8. Before blogging, as in way back in the early 1980’s, these were my rules:

    no straight women
    no married women
    no one under 25 (I was older than 25)

    These rules resulted from less than successful experiences with all of the above.

    I know this isn’t what you were looking for, but who cares? 😛

  9. Yeah, we don’t have many rules. Most pictures of GMB are sort of vague. I never use his name but only because he is a teenager and I wouldn’t want him to find this and be terribly embarrassed about what his stepmother blabs. If we ever manage to have a baby, I will certainly post his or her name at first, and then maybe switch to a nickname later.

    I am terribly unworried about security. Anyone could figure out absolutely everything about us from our blogs. We don’t use last names. I try not to use my full name since it’s so unique but so many of my real life friends read my blog that it’s sort of a lost cause. Anyone who knows Brooklyn easily knows where I work and live. Members of my administration read our (my co-workers’ and my) blogs. As long as we don’t say anything awful or blab inside info, it seems that they are fine with it.

    Wes and I have only had one or two fights about the blog, when I went too far into something about him. I do not go into too much detail about his trans stuff. I do not write about our sex life. I do not write in detail about his past struggles with anorexia or teenage motherhood or marriage to a man. I think of it as roughly the same rules we have for fighting – you just don’t go some places. You don’t bring up people’s hardest, most painful baggage in a fight. It’s nasty and unfair. Same with the blog.

    I also have a few things I don’t blog about for legal reasons, such as GMB’s custody stuff. Other things, too. When I go too far, my friend Z the lawyer advises me to stop.

    When Wes and I were first dating, I actually said, “You do realize that anything you do or say may one day be written about.” At the time I thought novels, but turns out to be blogs. He agreed to it a decade ago so too late now.

  10. It’s hard not to write about work, but I try to respect my families’ privacy. I never post real names, and I keep in mind that the kids’ parents could find my blog at any time. For that reason, I’m thinking about changing some of the info on my blog–city, username, etc., to make my blog a little more private. We’ll see, though. Once Hester Willa joins us, I expect to have a password-protected blog with lots of personal info so that family and friends can keep up with us. I’m not sure whether bloggy friends will have access to that site; I’m still trying to figure that out.

  11. I don’t really have any rules at all, I am very specific about everything, I write about my life, sex, friends, family etc…

    I’m a bit exibisionist maybe hahahaha

    but rules are good, maybe my only rule could be my address or phone number…

  12. […] *EDIT* – After reading this post S told me that she thought the post implied that we didn’t have sex very often. So consider this an addendum to the post to say that actually we have a really good and active sex life. Seriously. Just ask the people who really know us. I mean know us, not know us in the biblical sense. This is getting long winded and slightly pushing against the boundaries of “things I’m not allowed to blog about,” so I’ll shut up now. But you get the idea. Right? We get it on. A lot. Ok. Nuff said. […]

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